Really Good in Different Ways

Over the last week I’ve been in a travel haze but being so many places it’s given me time to spend time with people who matter to me.  The types of friends and family you can go six months to a year without having a real conversation with but the second you are together everything is as if a minute hasn’t passed.

In these moments of pure connection I was reminded of a scene from Clueless where Cher realizes that even though she is clearly “the best” that her friends were all pretty awesome and special in their own ways:

“And then I realized, all my friends were really good in different ways. Like, Christian, he always wants things to be beautiful and interesting. Or Dionne and Murray, when they think no one is watching, are so considerate of each other.”

It seems so simple.  Of course we’re friends with someone because we appreciate them.  Aren’t we?

I think this is another place where we go through life following what is in front of us and the path of least resistance.  We have our mothers friends babies from playgroup, whoever happens to be in our nursery school even whatever mothers belong to the same gym and drop us in the babysitting area.  Whatever it is from our first moments the lives around us suggest and influence what friends will be chosen for us.

This becomes a path that follows us through life with school, sports and other extracurriculars.  This was more prevalent before internet and cell phones and the world became smaller and smaller but its still true up to a certain age and mobility level that the convenience factor dictates who we spend our time with and therefor create the bonds that will last until our life takes a turn and new bonds are created for the same reasons: our freshman dorm mates; sorority sisters; study partners and partners in crime.

We make friends at work and in our new cities and we hold onto friendships but it’s only after we’ve matured, moved into our own homes and found comfort in who we are and what we do that we can begin curating and growing the friendships that will be with us our entire lives.  The family we weren’t born into but chose to make a part of our lives.  The people who will become the godparents to our children and the aunts and uncles to our dogs.  Those are the people I’m talking about right now.

Choosing these people.  Opening our lives. Nurturing them into friendships that will last well beyond a changing phase is what helps us also know ourselves and often brings out the best versions of ourselves and who we truly want to be.

I have been lucky on this journey to be able to really connect.  To take time and talk with friends, spend the few days I have in each place connecting and then truly re-connecting to what is is within them that inspires me.  There are so many things in every human that makes them special and beautiful on the inside and out.

I want you all to do two things.  1.  Share with someone you care about just one thing they do that shows you a special part of them.  2.  Share with me something about someone around you that inspires you, that makes you see the world in a different way

My Three Favorite Cities…in Three Days

That sounds like it should be some glamorous version of a european tour, but it’s just my life lately being a nomad and moving around so much.  I woke up Monday morning in Tel Aviv and went to sleep Monday night in Manhattan.  After a day in Manhattan I went to sleep Wednesday night in Los Angeles.

Three days.  My three favorite cities and so many of my favorite people make for slow writing but many great conversations to spark new thoughts…

Movies depict lives constantly in motion as glamorous, exotic, luxurious but the truth is after three days and ten time zones traveling — with a dog — all you need is a massage and sleep.  You need sleep the way a person lost in the dessert needs water to nourish the most integral parts of your being.  Even the most fluid and self aware of us need our internal clocks to figure out when 7-8 hours of sleep is appropriate and make it work across the time zones so everything clicks into place properly and you can actually enjoy where you are…not to mention the luggage.

I’ve become a nomad living out of a suitcase, and for 6 months of travel I only have two large suitcases (not bad for a woman from a major city), but the more I run around with them, the more places I go, the more I load and unload them the larger and heavier they seem to me, but no matter where I am going I become closer to the intersection of where I feel at home and where adventure meets than ever.

There is no time I am happier, more content, more optimistic or simply myself than the moment that my flight starts to taxi.  It’s taking me somewhere, somewhere with possibility and rocking me to a peaceful, excitement filled slumber.   Glamour is more than the facade and where you are but the poise in which you do things, not the things you do.

Girls think that being glamorous means making mistakes and being irresponsible. And that’s just not true. The smarter you are, the better prepared you are to make decisions in your life, the more likely you are to lead a satisfying life and be glamorous and fun and anything you want to be.

Danica McKellar

 

And with that I am off to be a Los Angeleno and grab some green juice for my body and talk to some locals to feed my soul… What feeds your body? What feeds your soul?

 

Have all our connections made us lose touch?

Growing up I lived on a block where neighbors let themselves in to each other’s homes. Leaving their bikes on the lawn and helping themselves to a snack in the pantry was a social norm – a way of life. This is before cell phones and email. We left our parents handwritten notes by the kitchen phone and were home for dinner by sunset. In the states I have a select few apartments I’ll let myself into or show up unannounced but it’s far and few between.

We live in a world that is so connected yet in so many ways we lose the human moments that make us a community.

This morning I did just that. I walked to a friend who happens to live in my building, knocked and was welcomed in to the Shabbat lunch table and had a surprisingly serendipitous human technology free afternoon over a glass of rose and a pot of coffee filled with amazing conversation; not planned contrived or scheduled in the least. I think the world needs more of that.

Is this an American phenomena of needing the formal invite and being so connected with out really having a connection or do other cultures suffer from this as technology and modernity take over our lives?

A big beautiful life

We talk about change: how anything is possible.  Every generation has so many more choices and available experiences than the one before them.  We can work from almost anywhere and realize that there are many valid paths for a good life; so why is it we still feel this need and fear to label?

In an earlier post I discussed the piece about not dating a woman who reads.  While researching travel, more places to go and see as a woman traveling alone, I came across something similar to the aforementioned piece.  Titled: “Don’t Date a Girl Who Travels” by Adi Zarsadias.

She’s the one with the messy unkempt hair colored by the sun. Her skin is now far from fair like it once was. Not even sun kissed. It’s burnt with multiple tan lines, wounds and bites here and there. But for every flaw on her skin, she has an interesting story to tell.

 

Don’t date a girl who travels. She is hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed with your new car and your expensive watch. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it. …

 

It goes on and on like this and I wonder if this is meant to be sarcastic or feminist.  I wonder if the writer is trying to escape someone or something that made her feel like the possibilities of the world were being taken away from her? Or maybe it’s just a train of thought with no more meaning than any rant.

Maybe we apply labels and qualifiers to different choices because all these options in life take away from the “path” that so many generations have followed?  Maybe its because in so many ways a woman’s path has grown broader with evolution and feminism but has not deviated enough from our grandmother’s generations that it’s acceptable for us to truly want it all.  Not just the career and a family but really want it all.

Our passions.

How many times have you wanted to toss a bikini, coconut oil, sunglasses, a sundress, something warm and cozy and a killer pair of sunglasses in your weekender and just go?  I know I have.  I crave travel without the restraints of a blowdryer or flat iron; somewhere unexpected.  I sometimes prefer a trip that may not be a four star hotel.  Sometimes I want to just be.  Be with the locals; not feel like I’m on some glamorous vacation where I’m observing somewhere as if I’m walking through a carefully curated museum with generous amounts of culture and history to share but barely scratching the surface.  Does that make me irresponsible? Does it make me any less of a traveller that I am just as comfortable in a cozy pedestrian sublet eating local treasures (tahini on everything…yes please!) as I am in a four star hotel enjoying massages and quality cuisine?  Does one mean I’m authentic or the type of girl someone should or should not want to be with depending on my preference of the moment?

At my father’s shiva a good friend of my family told me, “never marry a salesman.”  Other people I know would never date or marry someone who puts their lives in the line of fire: FDNY or NYPD for example.  Everyone has a deal breaker.  Do you ever ask if yours are superficial, shallow or legitimately valid?  What do you mean he has to be over 5’11”? Or she has to be under a size 4?  I always felt statements and pieces like this were so incredibly depressing.  Isn’t someone more than their interests, their leisure time and what they chose to do for work?  People are their energy, their thoughts and their inclinations.

I’ll admit, I’ve been reading the Divergent series, no I’m not 16.  It’s set in a post modern world where every individual has to pick a faction that defines who they are, how they approach the world and handle themselves, with this one attribute that is meant to overshadow every other part of them.  If we as humans are only defined by one thing, one quality, what we do or what we look like, then how do we ever grow and evolve?  How do we help the next generation become better than us if we can’t see past a label?

I desire it all.  I want to be the girl who travels, reads, can hold a career and excel in it through my own path.  To chose who and what I devote myself to and know I am okay with those choices.  I want to be the woman who loves the people in her life fiercely: in a way one can only once they realize how much bigger and more beautiful the world is than their own little microcosm and still actively choses the life and path they have.  To be the woman who knows that the world is filled with options and possibilities, who knows that when she choses to stay in one place she is not settling because the person she loves and the people around her see the world in the same way.

Who do you want to be?  When was the last time you stopped and considered it?

 

Finding your way…

It’s so simple to go through life the easy way: jobs; friends; family; too much tv or even getting lost in a book. We walk through life with all these things hopping on or off the 6 train, hailing a taxi or the crosstown bus and we don’t stop to pause and realize how these things make our lives seamless – more often then not we complain about them. During my travels I want to really immerse myself in the cultures I’m living in but I’ve been staying in my comfort zone walking taxis (gettaxi) and short “Shirut” distances from people and places. This is only my second trip on a real bus since I’ve arrived in Israel and it hit me how much I took for granted getting around Manhattan for so many years.

What do you take for granted?