We talk about change: how anything is possible. Every generation has so many more choices and available experiences than the one before them. We can work from almost anywhere and realize that there are many valid paths for a good life; so why is it we still feel this need and fear to label?
In an earlier post I discussed the piece about not dating a woman who reads. While researching travel, more places to go and see as a woman traveling alone, I came across something similar to the aforementioned piece. Titled: “Don’t Date a Girl Who Travels” by Adi Zarsadias.
She’s the one with the messy unkempt hair colored by the sun. Her skin is now far from fair like it once was. Not even sun kissed. It’s burnt with multiple tan lines, wounds and bites here and there. But for every flaw on her skin, she has an interesting story to tell.
Don’t date a girl who travels. She is hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed with your new car and your expensive watch. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it. …
It goes on and on like this and I wonder if this is meant to be sarcastic or feminist. I wonder if the writer is trying to escape someone or something that made her feel like the possibilities of the world were being taken away from her? Or maybe it’s just a train of thought with no more meaning than any rant.
Maybe we apply labels and qualifiers to different choices because all these options in life take away from the “path” that so many generations have followed? Maybe its because in so many ways a woman’s path has grown broader with evolution and feminism but has not deviated enough from our grandmother’s generations that it’s acceptable for us to truly want it all. Not just the career and a family but really want it all.
Our passions.
How many times have you wanted to toss a bikini, coconut oil, sunglasses, a sundress, something warm and cozy and a killer pair of sunglasses in your weekender and just go? I know I have. I crave travel without the restraints of a blowdryer or flat iron; somewhere unexpected. I sometimes prefer a trip that may not be a four star hotel. Sometimes I want to just be. Be with the locals; not feel like I’m on some glamorous vacation where I’m observing somewhere as if I’m walking through a carefully curated museum with generous amounts of culture and history to share but barely scratching the surface. Does that make me irresponsible? Does it make me any less of a traveller that I am just as comfortable in a cozy pedestrian sublet eating local treasures (tahini on everything…yes please!) as I am in a four star hotel enjoying massages and quality cuisine? Does one mean I’m authentic or the type of girl someone should or should not want to be with depending on my preference of the moment?
At my father’s shiva a good friend of my family told me, “never marry a salesman.” Other people I know would never date or marry someone who puts their lives in the line of fire: FDNY or NYPD for example. Everyone has a deal breaker. Do you ever ask if yours are superficial, shallow or legitimately valid? What do you mean he has to be over 5’11”? Or she has to be under a size 4? I always felt statements and pieces like this were so incredibly depressing. Isn’t someone more than their interests, their leisure time and what they chose to do for work? People are their energy, their thoughts and their inclinations.
I’ll admit, I’ve been reading the Divergent series, no I’m not 16. It’s set in a post modern world where every individual has to pick a faction that defines who they are, how they approach the world and handle themselves, with this one attribute that is meant to overshadow every other part of them. If we as humans are only defined by one thing, one quality, what we do or what we look like, then how do we ever grow and evolve? How do we help the next generation become better than us if we can’t see past a label?
I desire it all. I want to be the girl who travels, reads, can hold a career and excel in it through my own path. To chose who and what I devote myself to and know I am okay with those choices. I want to be the woman who loves the people in her life fiercely: in a way one can only once they realize how much bigger and more beautiful the world is than their own little microcosm and still actively choses the life and path they have. To be the woman who knows that the world is filled with options and possibilities, who knows that when she choses to stay in one place she is not settling because the person she loves and the people around her see the world in the same way.
Who do you want to be? When was the last time you stopped and considered it?
Pause Explore 