My next favorite art form…

With all the travel and legitimate want to share deeper thoughts I often neglect one of my favorite topics and art forms: Fashion.

 

Please take a look at a piece I did for one clique shoes on what I was wearing, where!

 

Around the World with Me!

 

 

Choices

Something that keeps hitting me on my travels is the difficulty I have ordering coffee.  

Yes.  That’s my deep thought of the day.  But it’s more than that, we live in a world with so many choices and even more interpretations of any given option based on influencing personalities and cultures.

How do all these choices effect us?  Do we make them or do we avoid making them or do we just chose the easy options?  This pertains to my journey and struggle because I consider our parents and grandparents generations and how they learned to stick with something in a way I think my generation struggles with.  This has become clear to me in two very prevalent and prominent parts of life: work and love.

I was working with a friend who graduated a few years after me on her resume last week and she asked about the longstanding rule that a resume should never have exceeded one page.  That was fine when only a small portion of the population attended college and a smaller portion attended post graduate education and you took a job or selected a field and perfected it, learned it, grew within it and stuck with it till retirement.  Now people switch industries like hair styles, not quite on a whim but also as one grows out they don’t necessarily feel the same need to perfect and grow into a role, instead they believe they have outgrown it and look elsewhere for who or what can do more for them.  Where we used to stick something out five years, wait more than an earning season for a promotion, and sometimes only work for one company our entire lives the standard now is if someone seems to stick with a company more than a year or two.  Is this the fate of our generation to always pursue greener grass rather than grow a position into something that is really amazing for themselves? Or is it a larger symptom of always thinking something else will make us happier and instead of a pause explore and then go with the right direction are we a constant pause and reset generation?

I consider the same with relationships.  My parents met forty years ago, they dated three months got engaged and said “I do” a mere three months after that.  They were in love but they were pragmatic, they talked about their good and bad traits and they were also madly in love.  They made a decision to make it work, and they did through all the good and bad.  Through a very humble poor start to good fortune that came with hard work and through my mother’s defeat of breast cancer and my father’s eventually terminal struggle with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis.  They truly embodied, for better or worse.  Our generation can’t seem to get this down.  We are used to the best, to options, to everything down to our jeans and suits custom made just for us, and even those we grow tired of entirely to hastily.  We wait till we’re older, set in our ways, stubborn and independent to then try to merge our lives with someone in exactly the same place.  The generations before didn’t wait for “what can this person offer me” they decided to make a commitment, grow and commit to love, not to their own and then their partners careers, and they grew together.  They had a faith in each other that as a team they could make it through anything.

When I started this project I was very much of the mindset: pause. reset.  Because that is what I had just done.  But the truth is that can often be the problem with our generation which is how I got to: pause. explore.  There are times in our life we should hit reset, not everything is for everyone, but its a button to use much more selectively than our generation does.  There is so much in this world worth exploring, worth holding onto, but we only know that once we do.  Once we grow an our of college entry level job into running a department and being in expert in what we do.  When we chose a partner have it be for the person, the team you are together and know that every team has winning and losing days, weeks even, but its the practice in between that makes you great and makes something sustainable – the commitment that is lacking in our generation.

4 countires. 2 weeks.  One coffee order infinite different ways.  Iced double espresso.  At home to me this means a cup of ice with a double espresso poured over it – I can doctor it myself with a drop of milk or some course brown sugar.  In the rest of the world it can vary from an espresso with one ice cube to an (specifically asked not to be) iced americano, to an espresso poured over ice then the ice melted quickly into an iced americano with steamed milk and so many other ways in between.

Why is this? Do we have too many options?  Is this how our culture is meant to be a smaller world but so many different ways to ask for or do something that nothing ever feels quite right?  Or do we just forget sometimes that the world gives us exactly what it should and we should find a way to work with that?  

 

What’s the greatest work or love story that gives you goosebumps and makes you want to emulate it?

Context

I will admit there is a discipline with writing that sometimes escapes me; not due to lack of experiences, want to communicate or even writers block but instead because once you leave a moment to write about it or find internet or step out of the moment you are outside of the experience and it is not leading to the next one but a pause, which is so much of the point of what I want to explore through this project.  This lead me to think about a favorite philosophy I studied in college: Martin Buber’s concept of the I-it vs I-thou (or I-you).  The I-thou is that ultimate moment of connection where there is nothing else on your mind, no thoughts of what you are going to do or say next, no inner dialogue about what you are observing or participating in, it is the purest moment of being involved with what is around you.  The I-it surfaces the moment you lose the connection to whatever “thou” or “you” that you were engaging in that moment with.  It’s that instant loss of connection: when you go from all consumed and completely pure and primally connected to someone, something or lost in one’s surroundings to “snapping back to reality” and being able articulate thought and context on the experience.

“No purpose intervenes between I and You, no greed and no anticipation; and longing itself is changed as it plunges from the dream into appearance. Every means is an obstacle. Only where all means have disintegrated encounters occur.”

― Martin Buber, I and Thou

I won’t lie – or invent some inconceivable incredible out of this world journey.  Let’s be honest, it is real life, not a fairly tale.  Every moment, flight, drive and new city hasn’t been that intense, that connected.  They couldn’t be or there wouldn’t be a “one” that are more or less so and how would I get from one moment to another; but even stopping to write about an inane observation, a spectacular piece of art, a sunrise or a great overheard conversation that makes you take notice takes you out of the moment.  But the I-thou or I-you cannot hold the same weight or meaning without the I-it.  Now that might not resonate with everyone, especially if you are “live in the moment type” but stay with me.

We often say the good comes with the bad and working for something just makes it better…sweeter somehow.  This is not in order to make us feel better about life.  It’s context.  I believe it’s because we live in a world of qualifications, of “grass is often greener.”  So much of what I’m looking at is if we qualify our lives this way, if we are often just content but if some other “grass is greener” why are we not always striving to be better, to be our best, to be our happiest?  Because sometimes the work to get to that better place is hard and that is not all human’s human nature.

If every moment was an I-thou, if we related to each other and the things around us in the primal way that animals do without taking things to the next thought, next step: if we took in every word someone said, every sunrise, every beat of music and never stopped to think about it, talk about it, contemplate it or most importantly create from it then there would be no advancement in the world, no context.  This context, this separation between the primal sense of connection to that around us and the intellect and step back moment to push forward it what separates us from animals and it what has lead to the greatest art, music, literature and accomplishments that shape the world we live in.  So I’m back and here comes context, contemplation and hopefully inspires you all to create.  Create beauty, create innovation and create the best next move for yourself.

Have any of you had a moment in the last few weeks that you were so enveloped and engrossed – something primal that enraptured you so completely – that you can close your eyes and it’s as if that pure moment without any interruption – down to every breath, heartbeat and feeling – is replaying in your mind?  If so, please share.

Really Good in Different Ways

Over the last week I’ve been in a travel haze but being so many places it’s given me time to spend time with people who matter to me.  The types of friends and family you can go six months to a year without having a real conversation with but the second you are together everything is as if a minute hasn’t passed.

In these moments of pure connection I was reminded of a scene from Clueless where Cher realizes that even though she is clearly “the best” that her friends were all pretty awesome and special in their own ways:

“And then I realized, all my friends were really good in different ways. Like, Christian, he always wants things to be beautiful and interesting. Or Dionne and Murray, when they think no one is watching, are so considerate of each other.”

It seems so simple.  Of course we’re friends with someone because we appreciate them.  Aren’t we?

I think this is another place where we go through life following what is in front of us and the path of least resistance.  We have our mothers friends babies from playgroup, whoever happens to be in our nursery school even whatever mothers belong to the same gym and drop us in the babysitting area.  Whatever it is from our first moments the lives around us suggest and influence what friends will be chosen for us.

This becomes a path that follows us through life with school, sports and other extracurriculars.  This was more prevalent before internet and cell phones and the world became smaller and smaller but its still true up to a certain age and mobility level that the convenience factor dictates who we spend our time with and therefor create the bonds that will last until our life takes a turn and new bonds are created for the same reasons: our freshman dorm mates; sorority sisters; study partners and partners in crime.

We make friends at work and in our new cities and we hold onto friendships but it’s only after we’ve matured, moved into our own homes and found comfort in who we are and what we do that we can begin curating and growing the friendships that will be with us our entire lives.  The family we weren’t born into but chose to make a part of our lives.  The people who will become the godparents to our children and the aunts and uncles to our dogs.  Those are the people I’m talking about right now.

Choosing these people.  Opening our lives. Nurturing them into friendships that will last well beyond a changing phase is what helps us also know ourselves and often brings out the best versions of ourselves and who we truly want to be.

I have been lucky on this journey to be able to really connect.  To take time and talk with friends, spend the few days I have in each place connecting and then truly re-connecting to what is is within them that inspires me.  There are so many things in every human that makes them special and beautiful on the inside and out.

I want you all to do two things.  1.  Share with someone you care about just one thing they do that shows you a special part of them.  2.  Share with me something about someone around you that inspires you, that makes you see the world in a different way

My Three Favorite Cities…in Three Days

That sounds like it should be some glamorous version of a european tour, but it’s just my life lately being a nomad and moving around so much.  I woke up Monday morning in Tel Aviv and went to sleep Monday night in Manhattan.  After a day in Manhattan I went to sleep Wednesday night in Los Angeles.

Three days.  My three favorite cities and so many of my favorite people make for slow writing but many great conversations to spark new thoughts…

Movies depict lives constantly in motion as glamorous, exotic, luxurious but the truth is after three days and ten time zones traveling — with a dog — all you need is a massage and sleep.  You need sleep the way a person lost in the dessert needs water to nourish the most integral parts of your being.  Even the most fluid and self aware of us need our internal clocks to figure out when 7-8 hours of sleep is appropriate and make it work across the time zones so everything clicks into place properly and you can actually enjoy where you are…not to mention the luggage.

I’ve become a nomad living out of a suitcase, and for 6 months of travel I only have two large suitcases (not bad for a woman from a major city), but the more I run around with them, the more places I go, the more I load and unload them the larger and heavier they seem to me, but no matter where I am going I become closer to the intersection of where I feel at home and where adventure meets than ever.

There is no time I am happier, more content, more optimistic or simply myself than the moment that my flight starts to taxi.  It’s taking me somewhere, somewhere with possibility and rocking me to a peaceful, excitement filled slumber.   Glamour is more than the facade and where you are but the poise in which you do things, not the things you do.

Girls think that being glamorous means making mistakes and being irresponsible. And that’s just not true. The smarter you are, the better prepared you are to make decisions in your life, the more likely you are to lead a satisfying life and be glamorous and fun and anything you want to be.

Danica McKellar

 

And with that I am off to be a Los Angeleno and grab some green juice for my body and talk to some locals to feed my soul… What feeds your body? What feeds your soul?

 

A big beautiful life

We talk about change: how anything is possible.  Every generation has so many more choices and available experiences than the one before them.  We can work from almost anywhere and realize that there are many valid paths for a good life; so why is it we still feel this need and fear to label?

In an earlier post I discussed the piece about not dating a woman who reads.  While researching travel, more places to go and see as a woman traveling alone, I came across something similar to the aforementioned piece.  Titled: “Don’t Date a Girl Who Travels” by Adi Zarsadias.

She’s the one with the messy unkempt hair colored by the sun. Her skin is now far from fair like it once was. Not even sun kissed. It’s burnt with multiple tan lines, wounds and bites here and there. But for every flaw on her skin, she has an interesting story to tell.

 

Don’t date a girl who travels. She is hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed with your new car and your expensive watch. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it. …

 

It goes on and on like this and I wonder if this is meant to be sarcastic or feminist.  I wonder if the writer is trying to escape someone or something that made her feel like the possibilities of the world were being taken away from her? Or maybe it’s just a train of thought with no more meaning than any rant.

Maybe we apply labels and qualifiers to different choices because all these options in life take away from the “path” that so many generations have followed?  Maybe its because in so many ways a woman’s path has grown broader with evolution and feminism but has not deviated enough from our grandmother’s generations that it’s acceptable for us to truly want it all.  Not just the career and a family but really want it all.

Our passions.

How many times have you wanted to toss a bikini, coconut oil, sunglasses, a sundress, something warm and cozy and a killer pair of sunglasses in your weekender and just go?  I know I have.  I crave travel without the restraints of a blowdryer or flat iron; somewhere unexpected.  I sometimes prefer a trip that may not be a four star hotel.  Sometimes I want to just be.  Be with the locals; not feel like I’m on some glamorous vacation where I’m observing somewhere as if I’m walking through a carefully curated museum with generous amounts of culture and history to share but barely scratching the surface.  Does that make me irresponsible? Does it make me any less of a traveller that I am just as comfortable in a cozy pedestrian sublet eating local treasures (tahini on everything…yes please!) as I am in a four star hotel enjoying massages and quality cuisine?  Does one mean I’m authentic or the type of girl someone should or should not want to be with depending on my preference of the moment?

At my father’s shiva a good friend of my family told me, “never marry a salesman.”  Other people I know would never date or marry someone who puts their lives in the line of fire: FDNY or NYPD for example.  Everyone has a deal breaker.  Do you ever ask if yours are superficial, shallow or legitimately valid?  What do you mean he has to be over 5’11”? Or she has to be under a size 4?  I always felt statements and pieces like this were so incredibly depressing.  Isn’t someone more than their interests, their leisure time and what they chose to do for work?  People are their energy, their thoughts and their inclinations.

I’ll admit, I’ve been reading the Divergent series, no I’m not 16.  It’s set in a post modern world where every individual has to pick a faction that defines who they are, how they approach the world and handle themselves, with this one attribute that is meant to overshadow every other part of them.  If we as humans are only defined by one thing, one quality, what we do or what we look like, then how do we ever grow and evolve?  How do we help the next generation become better than us if we can’t see past a label?

I desire it all.  I want to be the girl who travels, reads, can hold a career and excel in it through my own path.  To chose who and what I devote myself to and know I am okay with those choices.  I want to be the woman who loves the people in her life fiercely: in a way one can only once they realize how much bigger and more beautiful the world is than their own little microcosm and still actively choses the life and path they have.  To be the woman who knows that the world is filled with options and possibilities, who knows that when she choses to stay in one place she is not settling because the person she loves and the people around her see the world in the same way.

Who do you want to be?  When was the last time you stopped and considered it?